Reflections on September 11

Sitting in the back corner of business class, I was probably chatting with a few of my good friends who sat near me. Considering it was my freshman year of high school, as a fairly immature 15 year old girl, with homecoming fast approaching, I can pretty safely guess that I was whispering about who was wearing whose football jersey that week and who may be asking who to the homecoming dance.
A few minutes into class our teacher walked in and clicked on the tv. She quickly explained what had happened- a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in NYC. The name of that building sounded familiar- but I didn't understand what was important about this. I didn't get why it would happen, who did it, what it would mean. She left the TV on and our petty conversations quickly died away as real life dawned upon us. I watched, stunned into silence, as cameras zoomed in on people jumping to their deaths. I saw the second plane crash into the building and listened as reporters frantically tried to give commentary. News of other planes filtered in and it quickly became a swarming mess of voices, smoke, screams and fears. My friends around me talked with each other - some probably had already moved on, discussing football and homecoming once again. Some analyzed the situation and pretended they understood what was happening. I sat, first fighting tears, and then giving into them. Soon I was sobbing. The kind of crying you don't want to do in front of others- much less in your freshman business class. Heaving- trying to catch my breath type of crying. The teacher asked me if i wanted to call my mom at work and hear that she was ok. It wasn't that- I couldn't explain at the time to anyone what had me most upset.
Near the end of junior high, I had stumbled upon the Left Behind series of books. I had just finished reading the series up to the most current book when I started High School. So when those planes crashed that day, my mind immediately thought this meant the world was ending. I thought it was the beginning of the tribulation. I was trying to figure out if the rapture should have happened already- who should I tell about the Gospel, and all i could do was sit there and cry and cry. At this time in my life, I was a believer, having heard the Gospel and believed on Christ for salvation in 6th grade, but up to this point had received very minimal discipleship. I believed wholeheartedly in whatever someone told me- including the Left Behind series. Panic filled my soul that day and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Looking back now- I wonder- if the same thing happened today, or another tragedy to that magnitude, how would I react? Being amazingly blessed with a Godly friends, Biblically sound teachers/preachers, and my wise husband, I know I would hear truth. Truth that God is sovereign over rulers, authorities, politicians, and leaders.

"The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD;
he turns it wherever he will." Proverbs 21:1

We don't see God's big picture here- but I know now that God didn't change in his goodness or steadfastness that day. He didn't get tricked by Satan, who got an upperhand that day when God's back was turned. NO- that wasn't it at all! I praise the Lord for growing me in understanding of His sovereignty and lovingkindness.

When I look back in 10 years ago today and think about what I thought about who God was, I see clearly that He has been kind to teach me of His character. But now I need to ask myself- though i was more immature then, and had a wrong idea of the end times- am I as zealous for sharing the Gospel now as I was then? Yes I came at it with naivety, but also with a precious innocence. The thoughts of "People are dieing, the world may end today, and I've got to tell people, I've got to pray, i've got to cry out to God."- were constantly running through my mind that day.
Do I wake up each day, get ready for work, and interact with my coworkers with the same intense desire to be a Gospel light in my workplace? Do i have conversations with family members with intentionality, or do I hunker back in fear of man instead of fear of the Lord?

The Lord alone can save sinners. The Lord alone can stir within hearts and open blind eyes to see their need for His salvation. And in light of those truths and the Great Commission given to Christians by the Lord:

"Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:18-20

In light of that- I must ask myself, do I regard people from an eternal perspective as I did on September 11, 2001, when, with childish passion, I wanted to proclaim the Gospel to my whole school? May the Lord fill me such passion anew!